Ok, so that gnome who was supposed to get Zack and Zoe out of the city on the weekend had to wait a while because of some BUNKER heat. When we finally met up, he explained how he knew a secret tunnel that could help them get to safety and handed over a map. Then he proceeded to haul ass, stating that he “wasn’t gonna take his chances messing with BUNKER.” This left little old me with the ohhhhhhhh so enjoyable task of escorting the two lovebirds out of the city. I brought a recorder with me because I figured instead of me telling you lot what everyone was doing, you might prefer their own words.
ZACK: Aw man, Cat, dude, it’s really groovy of you to be helping us out with this, man.
ZOE: Yeah, thanks a bunch.
CAT: Right, right. Just remember, the moment we reach the tunnel, pay up the cash.
ZACK: Aw, no problemo, Cat-Dude! I’ve got it all with me! We’ll give you what we owe you when the time’s right!
CAT: Why the hell is he talking like that? Did he always talk like a Goddamned hippie, or is that part of the “love magic” crap that brought him back?
ZOE: My poet’s always talked like that. I think it’s sexy!
At this point, she and Zack proceeded to passionately swap spit
CAT: I have two guns on me and a ton of ammo. Either knock it off, or I swear to Christ I will end you both!
ZACK: Aw, Cat, you gotta feel the love!
CAT: You touch me, I blow your freaking arm off.
It was at this point we proceeded to head towards the park, where the tunnel was located. It was also at this point that shit got complicated.
When we reached the park, BUNKER goons jumped out of every nook and cranny and surrounded us, ordering us to surrender.
BUNKER: Lay down on the ground now with your hands above your head! You are under arrest for necromancy! And you, Mr. Cat! You’re under arrest for aiding and abetting!
CAT: It’s been nice seeing you kids again, but I gotta go! Prison and me don’t go well together!
ZOE: Cat, wait! We’ll double what we owe you if you help us here!
CAT: Double? Back off, goons! Those kids are in love, and you’re not gonna ruin that! Back the hell off before I lay waste to your asses!
BUNKER: Open fire!
It’s at this point that the legion of BUNKER goons surrounding us learned why it’s a bad idea to shoot at a witch whose magic is strong enough to bring a guy back to life perfectly. Zoe sent out some sort of shockwave that knocked a lot of the BUNKER agents on their asses while I laid down some cover fire. As the BUNKER creeps fell back and looked for a position to fire from, I threw down a few smoke bombs.
Now, those are no ordinary smoke bombs. Those are laced with only the foulest smelling stench in the world: skunk gas. And the BUNKER agents were not wearing face masks.
As the elite agents fell to the ground, choking and gasping for air, we made a break for it under the cover on an invisibility spell Zoe threw up. After some running, we managed to make it to the tunnel. It was a manhole covered in runes which had the nice little effect of hiding it from anyone who didn’t need it. Hell, the only reason I could see it was my mask lets me see through crap like that.
ZOE: Thanks, Cat. As promised, here’s the money we owe you times two.
CAT: …Christ. I can’t believe I’m saying this… but keep it. You two are gonna need it more than I do.
ZACK: Cat, dude, that’s really nice, man!
CAT: Don’t you dare hug me! Now get lost before BUNKER shows up. And don’t worry about me, they’ve got too many uses for me to lock me up for more than a day.
And so, the lovers got away, I spent a night in BUNKER jail and got off by helping chase some gnomes out of a few human bars, and everyone lived happily ever after. Now I’m gonna go liberate some booze from the elves.