Um, hello there. Some of you might not remember me, so I’ll just reintroduce myself, if that’s ok with all of you. I’m 456, one of the elves living in Mr. Cat’s apartment. Since he’s been just relaxing for a while, I thought I should write something here, if you don’t mind.

I looked up information on Mr. Cat (I hope he doesn’t mind too much) and found some interesting things in various databases, which I used to make a timeline. I hope you like it.

1833: England. Masked individual going by “Mr. Cat” sighted outside theatre fire. Witnesses report hearing something moving under the theatre before his arrival.

1863: America. Union soldiers report encountering Confederate troops who seemed unable to die, despite being fired upon multiple times. Soldiers claim that someone called “Mr. Cat” offered aid for a small fee and was able to quickly dispatch the Confederates. All Union soldiers involved were deemed mentally unfit for duty.

1905: America. Sightings of a large wolf up in Vermont. Several locals go missing over a period of months. Local law enforcement reports a man coming into town who gave his name as “Mr. Cat” around the same time. Sightings and disappearances end when he leaves town. Suspected as having been involved in the disappearances.

1943: Germany. Secret Nazi project called “Fledermausflügel” comes under investigation by allied forces. British forces employ mercenary called “Mr. Cat” to assist in attacking facility. Project is completely destroyed.

Um, I think I’ll go to sleep now and post more tomorrow. Sleep well!

Ok, so that gnome who was supposed to get Zack and Zoe out of the city on the weekend had to wait a while because of some BUNKER heat. When we finally met up, he explained how he knew a secret tunnel that could help them get to safety and handed over a map. Then he proceeded to haul ass, stating that he “wasn’t gonna take his chances messing with BUNKER.” This left little old me with the ohhhhhhhh so enjoyable task of escorting the two lovebirds out of the city. I brought a recorder with me because I figured instead of me telling you lot what everyone was doing, you might prefer their own words.

ZACK: Aw man, Cat, dude, it’s really groovy of you to be helping us out with this, man.

ZOE: Yeah, thanks a bunch.

CAT: Right, right. Just remember, the moment we reach the tunnel, pay up the cash.

ZACK: Aw, no problemo, Cat-Dude! I’ve got it all with me! We’ll give you what we owe you when the time’s right!

CAT: Why the hell is he talking like that? Did he always talk like a Goddamned hippie, or is that part of the “love magic” crap that brought him back?

ZOE: My poet’s always talked like that. I think it’s sexy!

At this point, she and Zack proceeded to passionately swap spit

CAT: I have two guns on me and a ton of ammo. Either knock it off, or I swear to Christ I will end you both!

ZACK: Aw, Cat, you gotta feel the love!

CAT: You touch me, I blow your freaking arm off.

It was at this point we proceeded to head towards the park, where the tunnel was located. It was also at this point that shit got complicated.

When we reached the park, BUNKER goons jumped out of every nook and cranny and surrounded us, ordering us to surrender.

BUNKER: Lay down on the ground now with your hands above your head! You are under arrest for necromancy! And you, Mr. Cat! You’re under arrest for aiding and abetting!

CAT: It’s been nice seeing you kids again, but I gotta go! Prison and me don’t go well together!

ZOE: Cat, wait! We’ll double what we owe you if you help us here!

CAT: Double? Back off, goons! Those kids are in love, and you’re not gonna ruin that! Back the hell off before I lay waste to your asses!

BUNKER: Open fire!

It’s at this point that the legion of BUNKER goons surrounding us learned why it’s a bad idea to shoot at a witch whose magic is strong enough to bring a guy back to life perfectly. Zoe sent out some sort of shockwave that knocked a lot of the BUNKER agents on their asses while I laid down some cover fire. As the BUNKER creeps fell back and looked for a position to fire from, I threw down a few smoke bombs.

Now, those are no ordinary smoke bombs. Those are laced with only the foulest smelling stench in the world: skunk gas. And the BUNKER agents were not wearing face masks.

As the elite agents fell to the ground, choking and gasping for air, we made a break for it under the cover on an invisibility spell Zoe threw up. After some running, we managed to make it to the tunnel. It was a manhole covered in runes which had the nice little effect of hiding it from anyone who didn’t need it. Hell, the only reason I could see it was my mask lets me see through crap like that.

ZOE: Thanks, Cat. As promised, here’s the money we owe you times two.

CAT: …Christ. I can’t believe I’m saying this… but keep it. You two are gonna need it more than I do.

ZACK: Cat, dude, that’s really nice, man!

CAT: Don’t you dare hug me! Now get lost before BUNKER shows up. And don’t worry about me, they’ve got too many uses for me to lock me up for more than a day.

And so, the lovers got away, I spent a night in BUNKER jail and got off by helping chase some gnomes out of a few human bars, and everyone lived happily ever after. Now I’m gonna go liberate some booze from the elves.

Living with elves, I can stand. Living under the constant threat of attack is just part of life. Living with a goddamn couple who keep having loud sex? That’s where I draw the damn line! Tonight is when I finally get Zoe and Zack out of my apartment, and not a moment too soon! Nobody can have that much sex! I think they’re faking half those noises because they know how much it’s pissing me off! Assholes.

Who here remembers Zoe and her zombie boyfriend Zack? Yeah, they’re staying with me for a few days now. They were the people wanting to hire me. Turns out BUNKER noticed a dead man walking, and have decided to arrest them. How is this my problem? Because Zoe made it clear they would rat me out for my part in Zack’s illegal resurrection unless I helped them get out of town, and they’re willing to pay me.

I found a guy who’s willing to get them out, but he can’t until the weekend. In the meantime, I now have a witch and a zombie sharing my apartment. They took my bed. I’m sleeping on a couch while elves make fun of me. I hate them all, I hate them so much.

Ok, Cat, you can get through this. It’s only a few days. You can do this!

Ok, I’m not gonna be able to update for about a week. Going out of town. I’ll be back towards the middle or end of next week. See you then.

Something just occured to me. Why the hell didn’t I just ask the elves to get rid of the stench clinging to my jacket? I would have been able to avoid the whole goddamn island in the first place! Then my arm wouldn’t have turned purple from a damn snake!

I feel really stupid now, and am now going to drink until I forget all about it.

I became even more convinced I had set off a security system as I walked through the forest. Robotic bugs were everywhere, flying about in various patrol formations that mad it so I had to duck down and hide. Making the trip easier, though, was that they seemed to be killing anything and everything they came across. I saw a few tentacle monsters being ripped apart by the bugs, and some sort of weird boar thing was roasted by their laser fire. Gotta tell ya, it made for one morbid walk.

Finally, I managed to get out of the jungle and back to the beach. Now, it was just a simple matter of waiting for my ride. So of course, something bad happened. Typical. The ground started shaking, throwing me onto my ass. Instinctively, I drew my guns. And lemme tell ya, it’s a good thing I did! This huge-ass robot worm thing burst out of the ground, all covered in spikes and shit. I think the fact that I didn’t shit myself at the sight of this thing says a lot about how desensitized I am to this crap.

It rose up and tried to slam itself down onto me, but I managed to roll out of the way and fire off a few shots at it. That was… very ineffective. If anything, it made the worm madder. Guns popped out all over its body as it began burrowing back into the sand. It burst out of the ground behind me and fired a barrage of bullets and lasers at me. Whoever built this thing really liked firepower!

I barely managed to evade that, and trained my guns on one of its weapons near the top of it. After firing a few rounds, I watched as the gun exploded and the worm made some sort of anguished noise. So its weak spot is its guns. Just like a goddamn video game! Alright, I could work with this.

Our little dance went on for about thirty minutes or so, until the worm finally had enough and vanished into the jungle. I collapsed on the beach, content to wait until the plane arrived. Finally, I could see it coming. Took them long enough, bastards. I stood up and grabbed my coat, eager to go home, when I felt a sharp pain in my arm. Cursing like a sailor, I looked down and saw a snake slithering away from me. Typical. Just typical. 

So anyways, I got on the plane and made my way back home. The rest, you know. My arm turned purple, so I went to the Don and got it patched up. As for what I’ve been doing in the meantime? Recovering. Repairing my jacket. Henrich is out of town, so I couldn’t get him to do it. Instead, I’ve been getting help from the elves. The fact they keep doing things like SETTING MY STUFF ON FIRE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON means it’s been taking twice as long as it should have. The jacket, which smells fine now, should be repaired in about a day or so.

I just realized that when I was telling you guys the business with the shape shifter and all that, I forgot to tell you where my memory went and how I got shot. Yeah, funny story about that. When I got home from a different case, it turned out I had accidentally left the safety off on my gun. I tripped, it went off, and I accidentally shot myself. That was really damn humiliating, so I made a comment about wishing I could forget that happened. The damn elves decided to be helpful, and zapped me with some magic that would erase the last 24 hours of my memory. Goddamn elves. As for the note, it turned out I had actually seen the shape shifter leaving the theatre and chased after him. The bastard had gotten away, though. So when I got home and everything happened with the gun and the elves, I quickly wrote down what time I had gotten home and the name of the theatre, knowing I would go back there to retrace my steps and would get all caught up chasing the shape shifter.

The reason I didn’t mention any of this earlier is that I had in fact regained my memory when I got to the theatre, but didn’t wanna say how I shot myself. It was too embarrassing. Hell, the only reason I’m telling you all now is because I realized what a big plot hole that leaves in the blog so far. I knew the shape shifter wasn’t me because I did remember everything by the time I saw the recording.

So to recap, I accidentally shot myself after meeting the shape shifter, and the elves erased my memory. Let us never speak of me shooting myself again.

So what do you do when you find out that a secret agency is going to try to arrest you because your lookalike killed a bunch of people? Answer: You move to a safehouse! The elves and I got the hell out of my apartment and made tracks for a hidden safehouse Dad put together years ago. No, I’m not gonna tell you where it is. Why the hell would I tell you people that? Kind of defeats the point of a HIDDEN safehouse, doesn’t it?

While the elves made themselves at home, I looked over the video footage again. Let’s see here. Black mask, brown jacket, pistols… yep, the bastard could be my damn twin.

The thing is, it couldn’t be somebody dressed like me. My mask is one of those little Robin masks. Those things don’t hide your identity worth a crap! Hell, all mine does is let me see through magic and use night vision. I ain’t concerned with hiding my identity from the Secret World.

So it had to be some sort of shape shifter. Dammit. Those freaks are always annoying. And to make matters worse, they could be hidden almost anywhere. Well, not anywhere. The shape shifter has to be about my size. Shape shifting only works if you’re turning into something around your size and mass. So let’s see, that narrowed it down to… the vast majority of the city. Well this was gonna be a long week.

Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow 

This job is concluded

One of the elves, this one quiet guy, found this quiz on a guy’s tumblr and wanted me to take it. At first, I flat out refused. Then, I thought about it and said “Hell No.” Finally, I agreed. Ok, I’m gonna do it. Now gimme back my gun, you little prick!

• 1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
• Neither. There are no doors on my closet. Only a tarp.
• 2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
• Who doesn’t?
• 3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
• I just collapse on the bed, usually.
• 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
• No, but I blew one to kingdom come once.
• 5: Do you like to use post-it notes?
• Pfft, no. Do I look like a goddamn office rat?
• 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
• Nah. If I go through the trouble of cutting them out, I use them
• 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
• Bear. Easier to kill.
• 8: Do you have freckles?
• None of your goddamn business. 
• 9: Do you always smile for pictures?
• Yep. Shows confidence
• 10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
• Getting ripped off, and stupidity. Also, humans. Damn humans.
• 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
• Do I look like Adrian Monk to you?
• 12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
• Yeah, why?
• 13: What about pooped in the woods?
• What is this fascination with my bowels? You got some sort of sick fetish? Back off, perv! I’ve got a gun and an urge to kill!
• 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
• No. That’s stupid.
• 15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
• Me? No. Elves? Yes.
• 16: How many people have you slept with this week?
• Sure, pour salt in a wound. I will find you, and I will hurt you. Lemme make that clear right now.
• 17: What size is your bed?
• Hell if I know
• 18: What is your Song of the week?
• Billy Joel’s “Close to the Borderline.”
• 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
• Who gives a shit? Real guys wear whatever the hell they want.
• 20: Do you still watch cartoons?
• I’m a brony. What do you think?
• 21: Whats your least favorite movie?
• My Pet Monster. It sucked. It really sucked.
• 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
• I cannot speak about ongoing police investigations.
• 23: What do you drink with dinner?
• Beer. Sometimes water.
• 24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
• Beer
• 25: What is your favorite food?
• Beer
• 26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
• Terminator 2, Dark Knight, Iron Man, Brave Little Toaster, and The Maltese Falcon
• 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
• Bite Me
• 28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
• No, but I beat the shit out of a scoutmaster once
• 29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
• Look, I dunno what you heard, but NO.
• 30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
• When dinosaurs roamed the Earth. Or when you last had sex. I forget which
• 31: Can you change the oil on a car?
• Easily
• 32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
• No
• 33: Ever ran out of gas?
• Yes. It sucked.
• 34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
• Beer
• 35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
• Bacon
• 36: What is your usual bedtime?
• Whenever the job’s over
• 37: Are you lazy?
• Let’s see, I’m a mercenary who spends his free time either studying or writing a blog. Yeah, I’m reeeeeeeal lazy, shit for brains.
• 38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
• Dad
• 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
• The Dragon
• 40: How many languages can you speak?
• 4, but only 1 is a known human language.
• 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
• A few.
• 42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
• Legos, dumbass.
• 43: Are you stubborn?
• Yes.
• 44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
• Letterman
• 45: Ever watch soap operas?
• None of your goddamn business, you nosy bastard
• 46: Are you afraid of heights?
• No
• 47: Do you sing in the car?
• NO
• 48: Do you sing in the shower?
• …yes.
• 49: Do you dance in the car?
• No, I drive! Do you WANT me to crash!?
• 50: Ever used a gun?
• Gee, not that I can ever remember!
• 51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
• Years ago
• 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
• Listen, I will personally castrate the first SOB to bash musicals. Do I make myself clear?
• 53: Is Christmas stressful?
• Only if I’m not working
• 54: Ever eat a pierogi?
• A what?
• 55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
• Apple
• 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
• Mercenary. Dreams do come true.
• 57: Do you believe in ghosts?
• Yeah, and Jesus are they annoying!
• 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
• Yep.
• 59: Take a vitamin daily?
• Beer
• 60: Wear slippers?
• No
• 61: Wear a bath robe?
• What are you implying?
• 62: What do you wear to bed?
• …are you hitting on me?
• 63: First concert?
• Rolling Stones
• 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
• Target
• 65: Nike or Adidas?
• Don’t know, don’t care
• 66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
• Yes
• 67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
• What’s cheaper?
• 68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
• Don’t make words up
• 69: Ever take dance lessons?
• Yes, and we will never speak of it again
• 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
• There are some things you WILL NEVER ask me about. A spouse is one of them.
• 71: Can you curl your tongue?
• I guess.
• 72: Ever won a spelling bee?
• Once.
• 73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
• I don’t cry
• 74: Own any record albums?
• Yeah
• 75: Own a record player?
• Yeah
• 76: Regularly burn incense?
• …I’m a GUY
• 77: Ever been in love?
• Don’t ask.
• 78: Who would you like to see in concert?
• Joel.
• 79: What was the last concert you saw?
• Elton John
• 80: Hot tea or cold tea?
• Tea?
• 81: Tea or coffee?
• Coffee
• 82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
• Beer
• 83: Can you swim well?
• Comes with the job
• 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
• Easily
• 85: Are you patient?
• Not at all
• 86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
• It was a band
• 87: Ever won a contest?
• Somehow, yep
• 88: Ever have plastic surgery?
• Bite my scarred, white ass
• 89: Which are better black or green olives?
• Olives? OLIVES? No, I eat MAN FOOD, like STEAK or BANANAS!
• 90: Can you knit or crochet?
• I can sew
• 91: Best room for a fireplace?
• Right where the elves live
• 92: Do you want to get married?
• I’ll kill you
• 93: If married, how long have you been married?
• Fuck you
• 94: Who was your HS crush?
• Fuck. You.
• 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
• No, I shoot things
• 96: Do you have kids?
• This is stupid
• 97: Do you want kids?
• 98: Whats your favorite color?
• Brown
• 99: Do you miss anyone right now?
• …