Tonight’s job: Got hired to deal with some magically-animated snow men. Y’know, like the kind from Calvin and Hobbes. Some punk kid got ahold of a magical rock of some kind that brought the snowmen to life. Normally, animated crap like this can be annoying since it can add onto itself to get bigger and meaner. Thankfully, that doesn’t apply to evil snowmen. Yes, they can use snow to get bigger. But they’re freaking snowmen. Here’s what you do. Use a flamethrower to melt whichever one had the magic rock, grab the rock before the other ones can get it, and slip it into a nice, magic-jamming plastic bag. Result: Melted snow.

And the best part? I can sell the rock to BUNKER tonight! I get to be paid twice! Double payment, baby!

The name of the ship that this creep came over on? It’s called The Bloody Mary. Jesus Christ. Yeah, was kinda easy.

As the sun set, I made my way to the docks and set up a little sniper perch on a crane with a birds eye view of the boat. When night came, I figured it’d be easy to blow the creep’s head off, get down there, and shove a grenade down his carcass to make sure he can’t regenerate.

I have got to stop expecting shit to be easy!

Turns out, he wasn’t sleeping on the boat. He was sleeping in a large crate. The crate was right behind me. One minute, I’ve got the boat in my sights! The next, I get knocked off by the vamp hitting me from behind! So I’m in free fall and manage to fire my grappling hook into the crane, letting me swing to safety. Vamp flies right at me, which gives me an opening. I ready the still-cocked sniper rifle, look the son of a bitch right between the eyes, and pull the trigger.

BOOM! HEADSHOT!

That is what I should have said. Instead, he used his annoying European Vampire abilities to turn to mist. Bullet goes right through him, and he goes solid and backhands me into a crate. Oh yeah, I’m gonna feel that shit tomorrow. I roll to my feet and dodge as the Vamp, who’s gone to wolf form, slams into where I had just fallen. Grabbing my trusty handguns, I manage to get off a shot that rips into his hind leg. And that is when the damn wolf breaths fire at me. And that shit? That “using magic to give yourself firebreath” shit? That shit is just annoying!

Dodging the fire, I come up with what I feel is a clever idea. My handguns are loaded with rounds that can pierce this freak’s heart. All I need is a shot! Fido rears up for another dose of firebreath, giving me the opening I need.

Right when he fires, I hurl a flash grenade at him. The explosive blast of light blinds the creep long enough for me to fill his chest with bullets. He staggers about as his body dies, manages to give off one last fire burst, and then drops dead.

Finally. Feels like it took months to kill this creep. Time to get paid.

So I’m dealing with what is essentially a meaner version of the basic vampire. That means I’m gonna need some fire power! Leave it to Henrich to provide!

The gun of the day? A sniper rifle with bullets capable of shredding a normal vamp to ribbons! Just what the doctor ordered! That just leaves the hard question of how I find the bloodsucker. Wait, he’s European! That means he needs European soil to sleep in! I’m guessing he came over in a ship. Just gotta call the don and check to see when this guy came to town and match that up with the movements of ships from Europe, and this guy is all mine!

The creep in question is a special kinda European vampire. Well shit. Apparently European vamps draw linage from Dracula himself! That means they’re harder to kill than your normal, garden-variety blood-sucking freaks. I’m gonna need some bigger guns

So the Don left out a few details about this rogue vampire when he hired me. First off, the guy can turn into a wolf-monster. Second, he can breath fire. And third, he knows Goddamn magic!

So I follow a lead to an abandoned fast food joint and climb in through the drive-thru window with my guns at the ready. Damn Vamp heard me coming, though, and dropped down on me from above. He hit like a truck and I got knocked into what used to be the play area for the kids. Almost knocked a tooth out!

I get up and get a nice view of the guy charging a magic fireball. Surprising, but nothing I’m not too protected against. I dodge and the play pen behind me gets consumed in an inferno! A few shots from my trusty firearms and the bastard Vamp goes down. Job’s done, all’s well, and I can go home. And then the freak began growing. Shit.

He turned into a wolf. Somehow, the asshole turned himself into a wolf. That was weird enough. Then, the wolf opened its mouth and shot fire at me. Fire. Holy hell. I took the blast right to my chest and got knocked through the wall, thankful for the fact that my jacket was enchanted to be resilient to magic fire. By the time I managed to get back on my feet, the wolf had made tracks. Yeah, I have some research to do.

Work’s been slow in the mercenary game, folks. As such, I had to find something to do to bring in some spare spending cash. So yeah, I’ve been in the wild world of… retail. I hate my life sometimes.

Anyways, I actually got hired tonight! Sweet, actual work! So tonight, I get to spend my evening doing a job for the local Vampire family and hunting a renegade Vamp. Fun. I’ll tell you people all about it tomorrow.

Today’s job: deliver a car with a mysterious cargo in the trunk that I wasn’t supposed to look at. So of course I peeked. If you do this job enough, you learn that knowing what you’re dropping off can be the difference between life and death. And it’s a good thing I checked, too! The cargo was… drum roll please… a suit of BUNKER field armor. I have no idea where this suit came from, I have no idea who contacted my employer to deliver it, but I wanted no part of it! Illegally shipping BUNKER stuff gets you a nice, long prison sentence and I don’t think even I could get out of it. So I made an anonymous call to the local BUNKER office and parked in front of a McDonald’s to wait.

No sooner did I park then some goons drive by and start shooting at me! Looked like my employer had sent some guys to babysit me. I drove onto the highway and, like a bat out of hell, put the pedal to the metal and began weaving through traffic. My new friends were doing a decent job keeping up and put some bullets in the car, but I’m kinda a pro at shaking followers. I managed to pull back besides one car and slam him into the side of the road. The other punk started ramming me from behind, until I got some help. One BUNKER rocket launcher later, and the roads were nice and friendly again.

As BUNKER searched the car and examined the armor, I made sure to sneak off to safety. No doubt BUNKER would wanna talk to me, but I wasn’t feeling too chatty. So instead, I decided this was a time for drinks.

The Secret World: That magical little world existing just below the surface of the world of man and usually unnoticed by mankind. Also my paycheck, considering how I’m a mercenary who specializes in the weird jobs. Take today’s round of crap, for instance. I got hired by a gnome to avenge the death of his brother, who was eaten by a gargoyle. Easy job, just not the kind you usually hear about in the papers.

Gargoyles are what happens when an Earth Spirit decides to live inside the statue of something, usually one of those ugly-ass statues you see on buildings. Not all gargoyle statues are Gargoyles, and not all Gargoyles are those things. Some are in statues of people, some are in statues of lions. The condition is that it has to be stone. This makes them strong, gives them a body to move around in, and they don’t have to make a body themselves. The downside to all this is that sunlight paralyzes them. That’s because of some crap reason involving the magic they have to use to take over the statue. And once they’re in it, they can’t leave. It dies, they die. So it tends to only be the morons who are stupid enough to become Gargoyles.

Finding this particular one was really easy. The gnome hiring me told me that the statue of the city founder on top of the local library was the guy. So I waited until the afternoon, walked over to the library, snuck up to the roof, and blew the damn thing to kingdom come before going on my merry way. Piece of cake.

Blew crap up, got paid, got lunch. Easy day.

This job is concluded.

Ok, I’m going out of town tomorrow. Same deal as last time, I’ll post if I can but make no promises. See ya later.

1965: America. Rumors of a creature made entirely of pot spread through a small town in California. Teens report being questioned by a “Mr. Cat.” Pot Creature sightings stopped afterwards.

1976: Mexico. Fire burns down a deserted town. Authorities investigating report sighting a masked American who introduced himself as “Mr. Cat” and escaped via a small plane.

1986: Japan. Rumors of a large creature living off the coast cause authorities to employ a private investigator using the name “Mr. Cat” to investigate. One week later, large explosion occurs off the coast.

1990: A small town located in Michigan is mysteriously destroyed. Authorities declare a gas leak as the cause. One survivor was found, a small child clutching a bag containing a brown jacket, black mask, and two pistols. Child is made a ward of the state.